Monday, August 8, 2011

The Disgusting Truth

I capitalized it cuz its super important in my life right now.

I haven't been able to post in a while because Mike and I have been house sitting, and we have yet to figure out the wireless internet there. Anywhoo...

I am now into my second trimester, I am about 14 weeks, and the vomiting has stopped for a while, but I still involuntary gag every once in a while, which is good because I would miss it if it went away completely.
Since I don't remember if I updated my bra search or not, and I am going to be lazy and not back check past posts, I'll fill you in. I got a bra, after trying on about 15 different ones trying to figure out if they fit or not, I found that my size is 38C. I can tell you this knowing that this will not be considered unwanted knowledge compared with what I will tell you later in this post. Eat this tidbit of sugary goodness, the sour ball is coming.
Well the bra I got is visible under my white shirts, which is inconvenient, but not really relevant anymore since I can no longer fit in them. I brought my bra home and modeled it for Mike, not in a 'sexual way', but in a 'bragging that I found a bra that fit way'.
He said, "Oh, good."
Which is what I have trained him to do when I show him clothing, so I was happy. I then took off the thing and put on a pajama shirt, throwing the bra on the bed. THEN he really looked at.
He said, "Whoa! That bra will NOT fit you!"
I said, "Mike you just saw it on me, it fits."
He said, "No, look at it! Its huge!"
I then held up the cup of the bra and held it up to my boob, which it of course fit perfectly. Mike was astonished. I can see where he was coming from though because after looking at the cups of my bra, they look like cereal bowls. Which I find hilarious, and sad that they fit now, but my boobs are still growing.

Sour Ball: I was warming you up before I gave this information, but this is what the title of this post is about. The truth about vomiting during preggy time, is that most of the preggo women stop during the second trimester, coming down with other symptoms including weight gain, constipation, swollen feet, and other things. I have stopped vomiting, like I mentioned earlier, but the two pounds that I proudly gained during my first trimester have vanished during my second.
This is because I am not like the lucky preggo women, yes I consider you lucky, that get constipation. I am unlucky because I have the exact opposite.
The lucky ones that get constipation, have pains in the belly, prolly worry about whether or not they are chewing thoroughly enough, and have long periods of sitting in the bathroom, followed by relief until the next bout comes along. Me, I have pains in my tummy, worry about everything I put in my mouth thinking that it is the cause, have short times in the bathroom where everything in my stomach comes out a damn liquid in less than 30 seconds, followed by a burning anus.

Its the truth, and its disgusting. I am still waiting for the time in the pregnancy where you feel like those smiling models in all the maturterny ads. But I'm pretty sure thats a lie.

A dirty, pretty, lovely LIE!

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